I am so, so sorry I youre veiwing this right now. I know it hurts your eyes. but I've made slight progress since this picture.... maybe... maybe not... and yeah. I'm slightly proud. I don't think so... maybe... gah... I need help...
Showing posts with label fasting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fasting. Show all posts
10.10.2010
I Feel Like Painting
This weekend I've been doing pretty much nothing but sit at my computer to look at pictures on PrettyThin and stare at myself in the mirror. This eventually got me really, really bored as well as inspired to draw. So this morning I went on PT looking for a picture of a thin girl's back. No poses, just standing. I found the perfect picture and drew it, emphasizing ribs, shoulder blades, and her spine. Next I drew a rectangle about her size in front of her and drew a fat woman facing forward there. Make sense? It's supposed to be the girl looking in the mirror.
I know most people can see art pieces like this and only interpret a sad, insane girl who is desperate for needless attention. But the artist isn't drawing the girl in a bad light. In fact, these paintings or sketches usually represent knowing how the subject feels, not mocking it.
I want to transfer the image to a canvas in paint but I don't want my mom or dad to see it, because i know they won't understand. I don't think I can actually paint anything without my parents seeing it, because they're really interested in encouraging me and my sister's creativity. It's sad, because artwork is supposed to be about expressing yourself, and is usually only for the sake of yourself.
Oh well.
I know most people can see art pieces like this and only interpret a sad, insane girl who is desperate for needless attention. But the artist isn't drawing the girl in a bad light. In fact, these paintings or sketches usually represent knowing how the subject feels, not mocking it.
I want to transfer the image to a canvas in paint but I don't want my mom or dad to see it, because i know they won't understand. I don't think I can actually paint anything without my parents seeing it, because they're really interested in encouraging me and my sister's creativity. It's sad, because artwork is supposed to be about expressing yourself, and is usually only for the sake of yourself.
Oh well.
10.09.2010
Blah Fucking Blah
I should blog more then two posts in a couple of weeks. Oh well... whatever. This week I've been trying to lose weight in a bunch of different ways.
First, I fasted for a day. but that was so, so hard because I hardly had any water either. I was falling apart and couldn't get a second of sleep, and ended up downstairs at two in the morning eating not because i wanted to but so I could finally get to bed! I had a stick of celery, a banana, and half a bowl of apple jacks.I was so damn weak that I had to anchor my elbows to the table in order to be able to lift the damn spoon. Obviously, I don't think not eating at all for an entire day makes look like I'm fine to my parents.
Next, I tried not eating until dinner and only eating a small portion of my dinner. That sort of worked because when I don't eat any lunch I feel compelled not to eat a lot of dinner for some reason. But sometimes I would totally binge out on got knows what. I stopped doing that because I found out that when you don't eat breakfast your body does a shit job at burning calories, so my calorie intake seemed to my body like it was twice as much as it actually was.
Now, I'm trying to give myself a normal sized (or as close to normal size as I'm capable of) breakfast and eating small portions of fruits and veggies moderately throughout the day. I hope this works. I'm thinking it will. I've lost four pounds this week on these diets. Or was it in two weeks... I forget, I'm awful at keeping time. Something that really motivated me this week was when my parents took me to see "The Social Network" and we ran into a family friend who hasn't seen me for a while. She said to my mom something like, "Wow, she's really losing weight!". Like hell I am. I mean, sure, since last may I've lost like twenty pounds, and I'm kind of proud of that, but thats still not much. There are girls who lose twenty pounds in a month. Not. Fucking. Fair.
Well thanks for listening to me rant and ramble.
First, I fasted for a day. but that was so, so hard because I hardly had any water either. I was falling apart and couldn't get a second of sleep, and ended up downstairs at two in the morning eating not because i wanted to but so I could finally get to bed! I had a stick of celery, a banana, and half a bowl of apple jacks.I was so damn weak that I had to anchor my elbows to the table in order to be able to lift the damn spoon. Obviously, I don't think not eating at all for an entire day makes look like I'm fine to my parents.
Next, I tried not eating until dinner and only eating a small portion of my dinner. That sort of worked because when I don't eat any lunch I feel compelled not to eat a lot of dinner for some reason. But sometimes I would totally binge out on got knows what. I stopped doing that because I found out that when you don't eat breakfast your body does a shit job at burning calories, so my calorie intake seemed to my body like it was twice as much as it actually was.
Now, I'm trying to give myself a normal sized (or as close to normal size as I'm capable of) breakfast and eating small portions of fruits and veggies moderately throughout the day. I hope this works. I'm thinking it will. I've lost four pounds this week on these diets. Or was it in two weeks... I forget, I'm awful at keeping time. Something that really motivated me this week was when my parents took me to see "The Social Network" and we ran into a family friend who hasn't seen me for a while. She said to my mom something like, "Wow, she's really losing weight!". Like hell I am. I mean, sure, since last may I've lost like twenty pounds, and I'm kind of proud of that, but thats still not much. There are girls who lose twenty pounds in a month. Not. Fucking. Fair.
Well thanks for listening to me rant and ramble.
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