I eat when I'm around them. Yes, I do. Because if we're out to eat and I don't take a bite, they will put me in therapy. Or worse, they will put me in an institute. I came quite close to that about a month and a half ago, but they ended up not having an education program and my mom decided that wasn't a good idea. If they notice I'm not eating again.... I WILL be locked up.
The thing is, the thought of being with girls who are going through the same thing I am and being with people who know how to deal with it and understand almost appeals to me. It's just that coming out of that prison, looking at how much fatter I've become, and heading into another spiral of self-destruction is not a good idea.
So, I have to eat in order to get them off my case. And they've BEEN off my case, but I haven't been losing weight. Also the winter and the icy roads make it harder to work out. I hate this rut I'm in!
I'm thinking of just completely saying, "fuck it," and starving until I'm a twig, but I know that as soon as I say the three deadly words, "I'm not hungry," I'll be shipped to a center.
So what do I do?